Thoughts on finding
I have a real difficulty with the subject of 'The One' at the moment because I am hearing the phrase mentioned daily yet I think it really has got out of control. I think we are mostly guilty of secretly setting our sights on the perfect person for a relationship and acknowledging anything at all resembling second-best as simply not acceptable at all. In fact we probably discount most people we meet without a second glance. No chemistry! Well not acceptable for us anyway - that's because we are special. The trouble with this contemporary outlook is that it is based on a completely unrealistic set of expectations with goalposts that move by the day (or second - Ed.!).
Let is say that you are 30 and you have had two or three relationships previously. You have a semi decent career that is providing you with a reasonable lifestyle. You have a good set of friends, certain financial independence and a wide and varied set of ideals and tastes that are sophisticated and intelligent. You know what you are about and you know where you may be going. Okay great. So the problem is that you are looking for 'The One'. You are looking for the person who will compliment your lifestyle, your outlook, will be able to bring something to your already hectic lifestyle but will never ever ask you to compromise.
You are in charge of your own destiny and you don't need to compromise so why should you. After all if he is The One, it will all fall into place perfectly. Well you are in for a nasty shock my friends. Life isn't perfect, just switch on the news and look. Marriage isn't perfect as anyone married 40 years+ will happily relate. Everything in life needs working at, and everything in life comes with catches and hitches. There are a couple of key words I will come back to - 'compliment' and 'compromise'.
The problem is our current generations are growing up with expectations that are far exceeding availability. You are looking for the perfect man or woman, you are looking for that 'one' special person and yet amazingly it appears that those who are so selective appear to have heavily overvalued their own 'relationship wealth'. Who says that they have so much to offer. Who says that they are truly nice people who deserve someone. I constantly encounter the word 'compliment' on the profiles of my own dating sites. Women in particular are adept at stating that they are very choosey, that they can be difficult, that they don't suffer fools gladly and that they are very specific as to who they are looking for.
Ask people to describe their perfect mate and they struggle. I have seen a lot of pseudo-spiritual comments lately particularly from women when describing their ideal partner. Think of phrases such as "soul mate" and how often they are used (see below). Its almost like there is a cerebral match that is not defined in physical terms that allows some form of 'communion' or 'union' between 'two souls' at an intellectual and emotional level. Many women friends have said that there needs to be a deep 'connection' or 'chemistry' between them and their partner. Nothing definite there then.